How to co-parent at Christmas: Helpful holiday legal advice

Christmas can be a happy time of year, and of course you want to spend it with your children. But when you’re co-parenting this can represent a bit more of a challenge. Time with your  kids is best shared, extended family’s holiday traditions considered and  sometimes even present purchases negotiated.

But it doesn’t have to be stressful. We have some tips to help your Christmas co-parenting.

Plan ahead

The best tip we have for anyone looking for a calm Christmas co-parenting experience is to plan ahead as much as possible. The more arrangements you can have in place before the Christmas rush has everyone frazzled, the better. This is particularly important if interstate or overseas travel is involved.

Some things you should consider planning:

School holiday care

When will your children be with you and when will they be with your ex? If you need to have some annual leave, arrange that in advance. And arrange for any school holiday care you need as well.

Special events

Christmas is a busy time of year. You will likely have some traditional family events, as will your ex and their family. Your kids may have events at school, such as Christmas concerts or plays. Or you may have religious celebrations to attend.

If you have something that’s important to you, arrange for your children to be available for that with your ex as far in advance as possible, particularly if it’s outside your normal parenting arrangements. Remember to be flexible with your ex if possible, as they’re more likely to be flexible with you.

Gifts 

Christmas gifts can often be a source of conflict between divorced couples. In a perfect world, you and your ex will have a similar budget when it comes to Christmas gifts for your child. But this isn’t always going to happen. 

If possible, start the conversation early with your ex about expectations, budget and how to divide up your kids’ Christmas list.

Christmas Eve, Christmas Day and Boxing Day

Most parents will want their children with them on these big ticket holiday days. But as a co-parent you will likely need to share the time.

Even if your arrangements are set out in your parenting agreement or court order, speak to your ex to confirm them in advance of the big days and confirm in a calendar. This just ensures that everything runs smoothly, that both parents can plan and your kids have plenty of warning about what’s happening.

Watch out for big emotions

You might find that your child misses the other parent during the Christmas holidays. It’s important to let them know that that’s OK. Comfort them, validate their feelings and don’t make them feel guilty about feeling the way they do.

Focus on making new memories

If this is your first Christmas post separation or divorce, it’s a good time to make some wonderful new memories. No your child won’t have the same holiday experience as before you separated, but making new memories can help bridge the gap and bring a sense of security and pleasure to your kids.

You could start an Elf on the Shelf tradition, make gingerbread houses or go to a new Carols in the Park event. Creating new memories can go a long way to easing the grief they might be feeling about their old family Christmases.

General tips for smooth co-parenting

Of course you don’t only co-parent at Christmas time, but all year round. So here are some general tips to help you have a great Christmas season.

1. Focus on what’s best for your kids.

Achieving the best outcomes for your children will also be the best outcomes for you (and is also in line with the provisions of the Family Law Act 1975). When your kids are happy, you will be too. Sometimes this means being flexible in your arrangements.

2. Focus on positive communication with your ex.

Be respectful, be kind and be considerate when communicating with your ex, especially in front of your kids. This can help smooth over some of the rough co-parenting edges.

3. Try to be flexible.

Things are going to happen. Life is unpredictable. Plans are going to change. Sometimes these changes will result in requests to alter the original Christmas plans or your custody arrangements. If possible, be flexible with your co-parent. When you’re flexible with them, they’re more likely to be flexible with you in the future. And it creates a better family dynamic for your children as well.

4. Set agreed boundaries for your kids.

It always makes for a smoother holiday when your kids have the same rules in both your home and your ex’s. If you can, establish agreed boundaries on things like screen time, bedtime, appropriate activities and the like. It will keep things on a more even keel.

Get help from a family lawyer

If you’re struggling with managing Christmas co-parenting, get in touch. Our experienced family lawyers are experts and can advise you on how to best co-parent during the holidays, and support you if you’re having difficulties with your ex.

Your holidays should be joyful. Our team can help!

You can request a call back via the form below or feel free to call us directly.